so its been 6 months since we moved to socal and while i love my job i cant stand living here. its nice to have some support but i honestly only see a lot shit talking between family, everyone has their own thing going on, which is fine but it doesnt really make me want to stick around all that much not to mention raise Connor around a lot of pettiness. I love my family here but there is something to be said about distance... i can count on my hand the number of times anyone has come over to visit us at our house, i cannot count the number of times ive heard someone talk negatively about someone else in the family. i dont have the strength to even bring these things up to anyone since it will only be met with resistance and more fighting and shit talking... I know they love me, each other and connor, but the whole reason i moved from the east coast was to get away from negativity and apathy and depression...
its funny.. i recently went up north to get my shodan, and did i tell anyone here... no. why? Because i know no one here would give a shit or even care... no one takes the time to listen or to care or to find out what i do... they smile and nod and fain interest... i know how Tamara feels... I feel bad for her... there is a reason that she doesn't talk to anyone.. she will only get judged and have people talk about how what she is doing is stupid or a bad decision. I spent 6 years of hard work, blood sweat, literal tears to get my damn shodan... i was married, dislocated my knee, dislocated both shoulders multiple times, went through grad school and had my son and I still trained, i still worked, i still pushed... I am damn proud of what i did... but i didnt share it with anyone here, minus Jen and Connor... that says something....
and even more so than the family, there are the people here in general... i do like a lot of people at my job, but there are also a lot of others that annoy the shit out of me... people are just not engaged in anything outside of themselves... no one listens to NPR or any news for that matter... no one reads... minus the fashion book (ie pictures), or has opinions on anything larger than themselves... its said and depressing
No comments:
Post a Comment