I actually wrote this awhile ago... Since I wrote this my mother has also passed away...  I wrote this about a year ago... in 2014... I had my mom read it... she cried.





this is for me..... and only me... i grew up in a household that when I turned roughly 10 I didn't know if we would eat the next week unless my dad went and substituted at my local high school.   My dad lost his job for stealing property from his company and selling it to his clients under the radar so he could provide for his family, for me, for my brother, for my sister, and for my mother.... he did his best to give us his best... to provide and to give us things he didn't have, an education... and I was the only one who got one.  He never knew that I knew that he used to steal from stores either.  He died not knowing that... he died thinking that I never knew he would steal computer games and other random shit to give to me and my brother for christmas.  It's why none of the presents we had never had boxes with them......

I sit in a very different place... a place that I hope he would be proud of... I don't believe in a god... I don't think he looks down on me from a cloud but I hope if he were still here he would think I did well, that I am powerful and that I someone...  I have a masters degree in math... I work for some of the biggest companies of my generation and people from those companies want me to work for them... and beg me to... and let them!

I grew up with very little, shit my mom still has very little and I beat myself up everyday for that... literally everyday I beat myself up for that.... I see people around me buying million dollar houses that their parents "help with" and it pisses me off...   I have nothing but contempt for those assholes... for people that spend money on shit and rub it in your face, out of spite because they are shit... and don't know what it is to have shit, to know what it is scrape by and to push themselves beyond anything they have ever seen or have ever been taught... They are handed everything and I never have been...

They are given everything and they don't know how to fight... they are shit in my eyes and I will rise above them and succeed on my terms... It sounds trite but I honestly want to see them below me in every way... mentally and economically... I will make myself better than they are and I will still be a good person in the end...  I will still give to the less fortunate than myself not out of spite for the assholes but because I have been there! Because I know what it is like... because of what I know my father was... what he could have been... and what we all essentially are...

My children are everything to me... they are the greatest thing I have ever made... I have more than they ever had... and yet they will know how to get it on their own... They will not be handed anything.. they will have to learn how to fight... how to push themselves like I did, like my father did.  The one greatest thing you can give you children is not money, or even the ability to survive, it is the ability to fight and thrive above all others AND yet still be a compassionate giving person.

I will give my children a college education... and that is it... what they make of it is their lot... it is their decision of what to make of their lives....